Every Paddy’s Picks reader knows that the Triple Crown is only the beginning of the three-year-old horse racing season. A summer schedule full of premier races awaits some of the sport’s rising stars, and it all began on Saturday at Monmouth in the Haskell Stakes.
Known as one of the most popular races of the summer and a rare reason to visit the state of New Jersey, the Haskell is the sort of race you tell all of your friends about. You might even beg them to make a pick for your horse racing website. Fortunately, I run in the right circles.
In a format that should be familiar to returning readers, many of my friends and a handful of my sworn enemies made picks for this year’s Haskell. Most of them won’t know the result of this race until I send them this article. A few are highly knowledgeable about horse racing, some are in the process of learning and many more aren’t. All that mattered was that they had opinions and were eager to explain themselves. That’s the beauty of this sport.
Monmouth, Race 12
Haskell Stakes (G1) for Three-Year-Olds, 1 ⅛ Miles on the Dirt
Full Order of Finish:
- Cyberknife (1)
- Taiba (2)
- Jack Christopher (7)
- Howling Time (4)
- Benevengo (8)
- King of Hollywood (5)
- White Abarrio (6)
- One Time Willard (3)
Joan Moquin
Following her pitch-perfect analysis of the Belmont Stakes in June, my mother went into the Haskell Stakes in typical summer handicapping form. School’s out at JFK Middle School, and though a return to the classroom in late August is already weighing on her mind, she’s still free for a little while longer and it shows.
Mom’s Pick: 7- Jack Christopher
“No doubt in my mind Jack Christopher will dominate this year’s 2022 Haskell.
Can’t ignore the following:
- 107 Beyer
- Jockey J. Ortiz
- Trainer C. Brown
- Impressive runs at the Big Sandy & Twin Spires
- beauty, beast of a horse
Exacta Box:
#7 Jack Christopher -to win
#1 Cyberknife -to show
#6 White Abbrio -to show”
In Hindsight: Like many racing fans, myself included, my mother was taken in by Jack Christopher’s superstar-caliber performances in previous starts. The Haskell’s longer distance didn’t feel as concerning due to his spotless record, and her fondness for Cyberknife wasn’t quite strong enough to sway her. Still, a very solid handicapping effort.
Niko Konstantellis
Niko and I were about as close to the Haskell action as possible on Saturday, as the two of us and third wheel Kristina Stevanovic decided to take a spontaneous trip to Monmouth to watch the race in person. Halfway through the day, a few lovely New Jersey natives stole our free hats and one of our programs. Niko never fully recovered, and it should have served as an omen for Jack Christopher, his favorite horse on the track right now.
Niko’s Pick: 7- Jack Christopher
“He’s really good and fast.”
In Hindsight: He wasn’t good or fast enough.
Lucas Ludgate
Just as Niko found himself hatless and swindled at Monmouth, so too did tragedy strike for Lucas in his new apartment in Houston. Feeling confident about his handicapping, he attempted to place a wager on the race, only to find out that Texas state law prohibits online gambling.
Lucas’ Pick: 1- Cyberknife and 2- Taiba
“1- very good performer, proven winner in diff ways, seems to be in good form, steady improvement
2- clear favorite, not fantastic value but tough to pass up, Baffert as trainer also interesting
4- not enough speed to win wire-to-wire, not versatile
6- does not seem to be in peak form
7- great Beyers but at shorter distance, seems to fade late”
In Hindsight: If only Lucas’ dream on Sunday had been to purchase an AR-15 and cruise around the neighborhood. Instead, the long and selective arm of Lone Star state law cost him a $28 exacta.
George McKnight
After receiving rave reviews for his detailed (and accurate) analysis of the Belmont Stakes, George returned with even more fervor for the Haskell. The London-based handicapper’s contemplative tone has connected with countless readers in recent months, and he’s now poised to take the world by storm.
George’s Pick: 1- Cyberknife
“Hello all. Welcome back to Paddy’s Picks. I’m esteemed guest George McKnight, the one from Queens. You may remember me from the many astute horseracing observations I’ve made on this blog. Ever since my very good friend Patrick took me to Belmont some four-odd years ago, I’ve developed my handicapping skills tremendously. Please check my earlier prediction for the Stakes for confirmation.
Done? You trust me? Cool.
Alright, so the Haskell Stakes. We’re dealing with a slightly dimmer spotlight than a Triple Crown race, but that doesn’t mean this will be boring by any standard.
We start with horseracing’s favorite trainer, Bob Baffert. Our friend Bob, who roided up Medina Spirit before the Kentucky Derby last year, is somehow still allowed to train horses in the Jersey Shore. To his credit, he’s won the Haskell a record nine times. But this time, his thoroughbred is the relatively green Taiba. Taiba has the best odds going in at 7-5; three-time Haskell winner jockey Mike Smith and Baffert teamed up to win the Haskell with Authentic in 2020. This still isn’t enough to convince me. Taiba just isn’t battle-tested enough for me to pull the trigger on him.
Ah, Chad Brown. I’ve met a couple of people at Belmont who had some choice things to say about him. Hell, most of the Moquin family, and I trust them with my life. He’s training Jack Christopher, who’s posted at 3-2 odds. Though this horse is undefeated in four career outings, my loyalties lie with my fellow Chad Brown haters. Besides the fact that Jack Christopher has an extensive injury history, you never bet on Chad Brown. If I sound biased, it’s because you’ve never bet on a Chad Brown horse. Believe me.
After Jack Christopher and Taiba, the only viable options left are Arkansas Derby winner Cyberknife, who is trained by two-time Eclipse winner Brad Cox, and the Saffie Joseph, Jr.-trained White Abarrio, the winner of the Florida Derby. Personally, I’d go with Cyberknife here. He’s got a great inside position as well as a great track record. Discard those last two races, because he’s a veteran with more in the tank and a trainer that knows how to win at Haskell. I considered White Abarrio for a moment at the Derby, but I wouldn’t go that far here. It’s a lovely white horse like Washington’s, but the colt has had to deal with real adversity for the first time after a 16th place finish at the Derby and it hasn’t gone particularly well.
So I’ll go for Cyberknife for this one. If I’m wrong, sue me. It doesn’t happen that often. Also, watch the All-Ireland football final on Sunday, 10 AM ET. My fellow Kerrymen will try to take down the boys from Galway for their first championship in eight years. Up the Kingdom.
Also go Yankees. George out.”
In Hindsight: I tried to have this article ready in time for Kerry’s match on Sunday morning, but I’m sure everyone caught it anyway. As for George’s handicapping, it seems that his newfound fame has bolstered his confidence. For a guest bettor who typically takes favorites, it was bold for him to go against Jack Christopher and Taiba. The risk paid off though, further adding to his mythic status.
Hugh Esterson
Hugh spent the weekend in Belgium watching his brother compete in the GB3 Championship, a motorsport series based in Great Britain. I hate seeing the backbone of the American economy heading overseas, but at least he managed to find the time to make a pick.
Hugh’s Pick: 1- Cyberknife
“Cyberknife. Just too cool of a name to not win. 75% win rate in his last four races ain’t bad either. US cyber security may be behind the curve, but this horse should be able to cut right through the field to victory.”
In Hindsight: Hughie the Mush finally ended the drought. After six losing attempts to begin his guest career, Mr. Esterson finally cashed in with a huge win on Saturday. The view from across the world is evidently very clear, and I think I speak for everyone when I say that I hope he stays in Belgium.
Matt Clarkin
One of the most recent signees on the Paddy’s Picks contributor team is already pulling his weight in terms of reader engagement. For those of you who don’t know him, Matt has a reputation for playing his cards a little close to the chest in day-to-day life. But when he’s submitting horse racing analysis, he inexplicably opens up. His tone might even be considered friendly.
Matt’s Pick: 4- Howling Time
“Hopefully I’m not too late. My bad. I’m going with Howling Time cause my favorite animal is the gray wolf and we all know that dog gon hunt so that horse gon win. Also, I saw ‘Nope’ last night and Howling Time would not have gotten sucked up by the aliens.”
In Hindsight: See what I mean? I’ve known Matt for eight years now and we’ve never gotten close to favorite animal territory before. Unfortunately, Howling Time faded in the late stages of the Haskell and finished fourth.
Ed Jarvis
After a short and very safe stay in Manhasset, Eddy headed to Connecticut earlier this summer to join the New England Collegiate Baseball League. When he told me he was playing up there, it reminded me of a particularly moving conversation we had in our senior year of high school. He was getting emotional, as he often did back then, talking about his hopes and dreams, and I grabbed him by the shoulders and said, “Ed, you’re going to be a member of the Mystic Schooners some day.” He did the rest himself, but I like to think that I’ve had some small part to play in his success since.
Ed’s Pick: 6- White Abarrio
“Because barrio means room in Spanish.”
In Hindsight: “Barrio” in Spanish means “neighborhood” in English, and White Abarrio was profoundly disappointing and finished seventh. But Eddy hit a double on July 15 against the Sanford Mariners and it probably went, like, really far. So it evens out.
Chris Murray
Chris Murray joined the Moquin family on a trip to Belmont Park a few weeks ago, and his performance that day was a test of perseverance worth commemorating. After losing the first nine races of the day, almost any handicapper trying to learn the game would have given up. In similar positions over the years, George McKnight has taken to wandering the grounds in search of sketchy strangers to socialize with. Tyler Zorn has literally ended days with his head in his hands. But Chris was not deterred by several bad defeats and remained attentive. I believe that his big win in one of the last races of the day was a cosmic reward of sorts. He’ll get there.
Chris’ Pick: 6- White Abarrio
“Wowzers, this is quite the race. Jack Christopher is an absolute stud and should (deservingly) take on the most money. He’s going to be tough to beat but my gut is telling me White Abarrio could give him a run for his money. There’s just something about him that I felt in the Derby that I can’t seem to shake.”
In Hindsight: Chris fell for a number of handicapping pitfalls in this year’s Haskell, some nuanced and others more blatant. Identifying Jack Christopher as a nearly unbeatable favorite is forgivable based on his past performances, and I made a similar mistake in falling for the hype and failing to evaluate him critically. Chris’ support of White Abarrio, however, was a classic example of losing with a horse in the past and developing a need to make it work in the future. Everyone falls for it at some point; the key is to make sure it doesn’t happen twice.
Maddie Sandholm
Distracted in her lake shack (very nice family vacation spot) in Montana with Juno (her very lovable and not at all mean pitbull), Maddie nearly failed to make a pick for the Haskell before post time. She began writing her submission five minutes before the race and submitted it with one minute to spare, which instantly suggests quality analysis.
Maddie’s Pick: 4- Howling Time
“I’ve been in three time zones within the past week and a half (eastern, pacific and mountain time if you were wondering). And I almost missed this paddy’s pick because I thought I had an extra hour (spoiler alert: I didn’t). I believe Howling Time won’t be as confused about the race as I am about what time it is in New York and win this race.”
In Hindsight: Howling Time ran solidly but didn’t challenge the main contenders, finishing fourth. Even more egregious than not winning, however, was Madeline’s failure to capitalize either P in “Paddy’s Pick,” a trademarked term for a really, really good horse racing prediction. No wonder she lost. Something else to note: Ms. Sandholm has told me on three separate occasions that she and her family were traveling to “Wild Horse Island,” a supposed island in Montana, but the trip has been canceled every time. I’m beginning to believe there is no wild horse island in Montana.
Maryam Beshara
Similarly to Chris Murray, Maryam is slowly making strides to understand horse racing, an arduous and thankless task that has proven rewarding and challenging in equal measure. Unlike Chris, however, she remains largely untested. She has not yet been to a racetrack and has not bet over the course of an entire day. Like Plato’s cave people, she only knows what the editors at Paddy’s Picks have shown her. She’ll have to step into the light eventually, but this will suffice for now.
Maryam’s Pick: 7- Jack Christopher
“Jack Christopher. Do I need a reason? I don’t know. Will I provide one? I’m not sure. He was the first name I recognized on the list. Apparently the owner of this site told me that I’ve seen Taiba, Cyberknife, and White Abarrio in the Kentucky Derby and I think that says more about the forgettable personalities of those horses than it does about my memory. It’s 1:49 a.m. as I write this and I’m content with not doing an extensive amount of research before the race. Hopefully Jack Christopher will pull through and make me proud. You bet your pony I’m rooting from the sidelines.”
In Hindsight: Denying Cyberknife on the basis of her forgetfulness was an interesting decision, but her support of Jack Christopher is much more forgivable. Maryam has a knack for finding the highly touted runners in her research and is slowly developing a mental index of horses for future reference. Even in defeat, she takes another step in the right direction.
Reeya Vasisht
Between you and me, I was very nervous to ask this particular guest to make her debut on Paddy’s Picks this weekend. In our absurdly lopsided friendship, Reeya is as likely to yell at me for fun as she is to ignore me completely mid-conversation. Her attitude to horse racing has been unflinchingly negative as well, but it seems that she embraced her role as a contributor after reluctantly agreeing to make a pick.
Reeya’s Pick: 3- One Time Willard
“Why does Willard only have one time? Is he a one hit wonder? Is this his only race? If he races more than once will that discredit his name? There’s so many things to think about just from his name. I’m intrigued.”
In Hindsight: So, One Time Willard had virtually no chance before or during the race and finished dead last. That being said, Reeya seems to have immediately caught on to one of the most entertaining genres of Paddy’s Picks analysis: facetious contemplation. Asking rhetorical questions that serve no real purpose is easily one of the best ways to determine the result of a horse race. If I can ever get her to contribute again, I would venture to guess that she has a bright future. Welcome to the show.
Shaily Jani
After a handful of poor showings to begin her Paddy’s Picks career, Shaily earned her first win when she picked Mo Donegal to take the Belmont Stakes last month. I’m not sure whether she knows that she won, but one has to assume that the victory had some subliminal impact on her confidence. Great things happen when you don’t have to plan a wedding.
Shaily’s Pick: 1- Cyberknife
“Cyberknife sounds like someone you want in your corner. Cyberknife is going to cut through the competition like a knife. Like a cyberknife.”
In Hindsight: Shaily’s hot! Wait, no. Wait. What? She won a horse race and then she won another horse race, so she’s heating up. Not literally though. She’s not on fire. She’s just warm.
Emily Ellis
Emily taught me several dance moves while we were on a trip in Atlantic City last week, and no one’s ever going to see me do them. It makes me very happy to deprive all of you. As my friend, Emily feels that it’s her responsibility to get me out of my comfort zone, but she doesn’t understand that exercises like this one suggest that it’s so much easier for me to drag everyone else in.
Emily’s Pick: 4- Howling Time
“Though I am tempted to make a joke about One Time Willard, Howling Time reminds me of werewolves and I have to stay true to my roots.”
In Hindsight: To provide some context, Emily is a paranormal romance writer, which means that she likes to write about lovers who are consistently terrified and occasionally die at the hands of gruesome monsters. Rather than unpack that, I’ll just note that Howling Time finished fourth in an unremarkable performance.
Matthew Ludington
Despite being raised in a horse racing household in his senior year of college, Matt hasn’t made much of an attempt to understand the sport. That significantly detracts from his ability to evaluate horse races, but it does give him way more free time. It’s a tradeoff few are willing to make, but Matt’s braver than I am.
Matt’s Pick: 4- Howling Time
“Howling Time, because his howling will throw the other horses off while simultaneously summoning wolf allies to slow his opposition down.”
In Hindsight: Matt is still residing in Syracuse after college, and the freezing cold conditions and isolation were clearly weighing on him when he made his pick here. There’s no law enforcement or animal control that far north, and sometimes a man has to take matters into his own hands. If Howling Time was half the wolf tamer Matt is, victory would’ve been certain on Saturday.
Eddie Harrison
Much like the Haskell, Eddie Harrison is a New Jersey institution, so it was imperative that he weighed in on Monmouth Park’s premier race. His analysis was somewhat exaggerated to enhance the Jersey-ness of it all, but it wasn’t that exaggerated.
Eddie’s Pick: 3- One Time Willard
“Fast Eddie had to put some calls in to make sure he didn’t have any conflicting interests with the local Jersey Shore horse racing scene. After making sure there were none, he picked One Time Willard as a nod to the one time Kevin Willard led Seton Hall to a Big East Tourney win.”
In Hindsight: I think Steady Eddie forgot his Paddy’s Picks nickname, but Fast Eddie was no less charming than his usual alter ego. Unfortunately, One Time Willard was terrible and never really had a chance, which means that Eddie’s gonna have to make a trip to the docks with a few of his buddies real soon.
Tony Kraus
On a long car ride with Tony a few weeks ago on the way to a family-oriented graduation party for Kristina Stevanovic in New Jersey, he and I enjoyed light conversation over podcasts and jazz music for the better part of three hours. I was exhausted but felt rude falling asleep. He said he was waiting to start a new job and I talked about the freelance and part-time writing work I was looking for. It was one of the first moments in my life where I truly felt like an adult. I wish I had a joke about it. Oh wait, we stopped off at a Wendy’s on the way and he ordered a Frosty-ccino and fries at 11 o’clock in the morning. That’s a pretty funny detail.
Tony’s Pick: 1- Cyberknife
“Cyberknife because I feel like I’ve heard this horse’s name before which is impressive because I don’t know all that many horses.”
In Hindsight: In an unprecedented move, Tony used legitimate memory and logic to determine the Haskell winner. And it worked! Though he wasn’t fully aware of his own reasoning, he correctly remembered that Cyberknife ran in the Kentucky Derby, a sign of class at the very least. Impressive indeed.
Ryan Heffron
Like Matt Ludington, Ryan has traveled north following his graduation from Fordham, and is now back in Massachusetts. The harsh conditions up there appear to have a profound psychological impact on even the bravest warriors.
Heff’s Pick: 4- Howling Time
“Howling Time will ride upon the Seven Winds towards all ten directions and win the race both in the present, before it even started and an eon after it ends. Blessed by all gods and men, he is time passing itself.”
In Hindsight: Spoken like an eccentric gone mad, Heff’s pick was one of grand magnitude in which being right or wrong had cosmic implications. Howling Time’s defeat will now lead to inevitable calamity as the universe folds in on itself in defiance of all that has ever been known.
Audrey O’Brien
When you produce a recurring segment on your website about horse racing featuring guests who don’t know anything about horse racing, you leave yourself vulnerable to thoughts and ideas that no sane person would ever conceive. I thought I’d heard it all, but in two years of doing this, I didn’t realize that there was one remaining boundary keeping Paddy’s Picks from the threshold of insanity. Audrey O’Brien crossed that threshold this weekend, and everyone is being dragged along with her.
Audrey’s Pick: Bluto’s Candy
“That’s a choice, right?”
In Hindsight: For those of you who are confused, good. You’re correct that Bluto’s Candy wasn’t running in this year’s Haskell Stakes. You would be incorrect, however, to assume that Bluto’s Candy isn’t a real horse or that he didn’t run on Saturday. 1,200 miles away and several hours before the Haskell, a horse named Bluto’s Candy ran in the third race at Gulfstream Park, a track in Florida, in a maiden race. The three-year-old gelding finished seventh at 5-1 odds. I didn’t give Audrey any information before she made her pick and never clarified which race I wanted her to look at. She didn’t ask. She picked Bluto’s Candy on her own, and I believe that some events in this world are so mystifying and chaotic that they don’t warrant further investigation. Let’s move on.
Nicole Kraemer
Unlike most guests, Nicole takes her depiction on Paddy’s Picks very seriously, and regularly gets frustrated with me when I publish her opinions in a way she doesn’t like. I’m not sure she realizes that most people write their own explanations instead of using voice memos, but I try my best to be an accommodating host. Therefore, I decided to transcribe the message I received from her as faithfully as I possibly could.
Nicole’s Pick: 8- Benevengo
“I’m gonna go with my gut, which is Benevengo because I just studied abroad in Italy and it sounds like an Italian word. He’s a cute horse and #8 seems right because he’s at the bottom of the list but the top of my heart. That is all, and if you make me sound illiterate, I’m going to say that I didn’t give you my permission to be included in this segment. So write away! Isn’t that what you do best?”
In Hindsight: For my own legal protection, a helpful definition from Law Insider: “On the record means anything the source says can be reported, published, or aired. All conversations are assumed to be on the record unless the source expressly requests — and the reporter explicitly agrees — to go off the record beforehand.” Benevengo finished fifth, a solid result for the long shot, but it’s hard to talk about horse racing as I await my subpoena.
Cristine Kalinski
In a group of people affectionately known as “clueless guests,” Cristine’s success is eerie and unmatched. She’s also getting a little full of herself, if you can believe it. I wish I could announce that this obscene power trip finally came to an end on Saturday. I wish I could announce that.
Cristine’s Pick: 1- Cyberknife
“I think I like Cyberknife the best because it sounds really cool for, like, anything but a horse race and that’s funny to me. I think this horse has a message to give, maybe about our digital world, and therefore has the drive to win.”
In Hindsight: Since last year’s Haskell Stakes, Cristine has analyzed five races for Paddy’s Picks. Her horses have never finished worse than third, and three of them have crossed the line first. In a tangentially related development, Grey’s Anatomy is also a very entertaining show, defying my expectations and multiple insults to the contrary. The worm scientist is one with nature and she can’t be stopped.
Courtney Brogle
In what may be the rudest thing anyone has ever done, I have accidentally been denying Courtney a spot on Paddy’s Picks for two years now. In all honesty, I didn’t think my former Managing Editor really cared about me or my rinky dink loser website, but I quickly realized that I was wrong after finally asking her for a contribution. As readers will soon see, her untethered enthusiasm for horse racing is without equal.
Courtney’s Pick: 7- Jack Christopher
“Let me start out by congratulating all the horses for having some of the most entertaining names I have seen in one lineup. King of Hollywood? Benevengo? Howling Time? Truly inspired! While I want to cast my vote to a horse with a zanier name for the sake of a laugh, my vote has to go to Jack Christopher. From my (very rudimentary) understanding, he is one of the stronger horses competing in this race. Deemed ‘a beast’ by a beloved horse racing web host, he reportedly has the strength and stamina on paper, and a history of success when on the track. While the stakes are higher and the challenges are daunting in this race, I am optimistic that he will earn some impressive first-place hardware.
But with all that being said, One Time Willard does win the award for “Most Creative Horse Name” — while it doesn’t statistically look like this is his race for the taking, I am hopeful that he will have an illustrious career in which he can say he won more than ‘One Time.’”
In Hindsight: Courtney’s first foray into the sordid world of guest handicapping was reasonably successful. She identified one of the better horses in the race, and Jack Christopher’s third-place finish was disappointing but nevertheless respectable. She also took time to include clever commentary for most of the field. The sky’s the limit for this young upstart.
Jill Rice
Jill’s been inconsistent in her Paddy’s Picks appearances as of late, but much like an eclipse, she’s been brilliant whenever she’s present. Eclipses used to be a sign of the end times too though.
Jill’s Pick: 6- White Abarrio
“I’ve never heard of any of these horses, but I like the vibe of White Abarrio. Seems like a nice guy. I believe in him. Unlike One Time Willard, who can only ever win once, or Jack Christopher who is doomed with two first names, White Abarrio sounds exotic enough to catch your attention but not-exotic enough to stay in front. I’m also hoping that he’s got a pretty-colored coat.”
In Hindsight: Jill has heard of three of these horses before and forgot, but there may have been something subliminal at play. She didn’t support White Abarrio in the Kentucky Derby and shouldn’t have supported him in the Haskell, but I like to think that this is a sign that the sport is becoming second nature to her. It’s a step in the right direction.
Gil Russo
Like many Paddy’s Picks guests, Gil is in the middle of a transformation in her journey with horse racing. She’s figuring out the sport without trying. Names are repeating themselves, results are compiling and her picks are remaining with her after she makes them. It’s a different sort of fun, isn’t it?
Gil’s Pick: 7- Jack Christopher
“I recognize some of these names, which means I had to research again. I know! What happened to my baseless satire? Since Mo Donegal, my love of just having fun with these things has been tainted slightly by my perpetual desire to be right. Also, I am in quarantine and truly have nothing else to do.
Anyway, I’m not gonna pick any one of the three I recognized even though one (Taiba) yielded some eye-catching results. I’m going with Jack Christopher. Remember when I first started contributing to Paddy’s Picks and said I couldn’t vouch for a horse named Union Gables because it sounds like the horse of the patriarchy that men in suits and bowler hats would bet on? Well, after being invited to the racetrack recently and betting on horses while wearing a fedora myself alongside friends, I found the ritual kind of fun. This horse may have the most basic white man name ever, but it reminds me of that. Sorry to feminists everywhere. Or thank me, for reclaiming it.”
In Hindsight: Sometimes success is just the first step on a more punishing road. Gil’s win in the Belmont Stakes is likely responsible for the added effort in the Haskell, and while Jack Christopher was a very solid pick, she’ll have to chase another triumph for a little while longer. I realize this is all my fault and I embrace it.
Grace Getman
Of all the guests that contributed analysis for the Triple Crown, none were as solid as Grace. Winning the Preakness and picking top-three finishers in the Derby and Belmont made her a more accurate contributor than anyone on the website, including me. Let’s see how she followed up that masterful performance.
Grace’s Pick: 3- One Time Willard
“I’m worried that One Time Willard is the new Skippy Longstocking, but if so the guy certainly deserves it. I appreciate the marked honesty in saying that he’s only going to go at it one time, and presumably going to leave it all on the field. The combined power of all the other races he would have run put into this one race? Unstoppable. The Mega Horse.”
In Hindsight: One Time Willard was, without a doubt, the wildest long shot I’ve seen in a stakes race in years. He could have been 10,000-1 and I still wouldn’t have bet on him, and he finished last in conformation to those expectations. As Grace succinctly put it, “What can I say, I always find a way to stand out.”
Esmé Bleecker-Adams
Esmé has been a mainstay in these articles in recent months, and her commentary always assumes a calmer, collected voice. She’s a welcome presence in an article featuring more than a little nonsense.
Esme’s Pick: 1- Cyberknife
“I like the sound of Cyberknife, being a tool for delicate and precise operations – seems like it would cut through the competition with finesse.”
In Hindsight: Oddly enough, I think it was finesse that gave Cyberknife the victory on Saturday. With a favorable trip, the colt had just enough to outrun Taiba and win a photo finish at the wire. It was a precise operation and Esme had the right horse for the job.
Kreena Vora
Kreena’s saga in the study of horse racing continues at the Haskell. She learns, she makes mistakes and she recovers. I hope all my readers are as invested in her character arc as I am. I’m kind of banking on this story to launch my career. She better figure this out.
Kreena’s Pick: 8- Benevengo
“Taiba, Jack Christopher, and Benevengo look pretty good. If it wasn’t for the J name I’d say jack since he’s won all his races. And I think Taiba is still fairly new? I remember him from an earlier race kinda. So I’m gonna go with Benevengo. He’s won 3/4, decentish trainer stats, and his owners are wasabi ventures which is a fun name.”
In Hindsight: Alright, so that didn’t work out. Benevengo was a decent long shot, and I respect her for taking a chance in a situation where she thought the favorite was vulnerable. Identifying Cyberknife as a possible upset candidate was the next step though, and this is where she ultimately came up short. I shouldn’t criticize too much though, because I couldn’t even get to the first step. Instead, I’ll just say that I’m proud of her. She’s going to hate that.
Corbin Gregg
What’s Corbin up to? I’ve seen him a lot at our friends’ small parties lately, but as I sit here and try to think of some new development to talk about, I’m not coming up with anything. He seems pretty happy? Maybe I should ask more questions next time I see him. My readers need Corbin content.
Corbin’s Pick: 5- King of Hollywood
“King of Hollywood is going to bring some LA pride to this east coast race. Even though Cyberknife sounds cooler.”
In Hindsight: He had it! Why would he not pick the cooler horse? Los Angeles pride has literally never gotten anyone anywhere, and he’s from Texas, so it wasn’t even bias influencing his decision. This is probably the most disappointing commentary in the article, and that includes a rogue poet and a guest who picked a horse that wasn’t in the race. I don’t even think I’m going to ask Corbin about his personal life the next time I see him. This was a real bummer.
Gabby Bermudez
Alright, let’s reset — Gabby doesn’t deserve any lingering frustration. Much like her methods of attaining spiritual and mental health, Gabby’s ways of predicting horse races are alternative and shamelessly unique. We here at Paddy’s Picks wouldn’t have it any other way.
Gabby’s Pick: 7- Jack Christopher
“Okay I’m going to go with Jack Christopher. I know, not picking #2 is a very unexpected move from me. This time I’m making my decision because of the jockey. Last time I picked a horse that Jose Ortiz was riding and they performed well!”
In Hindsight: Gabby remembered who Jose Ortiz was, and while the knowledge she accrued in her recent trip to Belmont didn’t lead her to a win in the Haskell, it will probably be more beneficial long-term than picking #2 every time. The key now, however, is that she maintains her instincts as she continues to learn. There are forces at play in horse racing that no amount of experience will ever fully resolve, and her hunches have gotten her this far.
Maggie McNamara
Maggie’s back! Who’s she gonna go with?
Maggie’s Pick: 8- Benevengo
“Imma go with Benevengo — has a nice rhythm to it so he definitely runs smoothly. Additionally, the “veng” makes me think of “vengeance”, meaning this horse has the spite and fire in him to win. I might be really misinterpreting the etymology but all the other names kind of suck except Cyberknife.”
In Hindsight: Benevengo had a little spite and fire, but it wasn’t quite enough for the long shot to win the event as Maggie predicted. It’s a shame she mentioned Cyberknife, the winner of the race, as her second choice, but she clearly had a preference for her vengeful upset and her conviction is respectable. Kachow.
Mia Agostinelli
Mia texts me every few weeks about the Mets and the Columbia Graduate School of Journalism, and I text her about random horse races. The Mets are magical, Columbia J-School is exciting and Mia’s still giving her all to her equine studies. This publication would undoubtedly suffer without her consistent effort.
Mia’s Pick: 8- Benevengo
“Jody Demling, somebody important in the world of horse racing who apparently has some sixth sense for picking winners, said that Baffert’s horse is not going to win, so I’m not going to pick the favorite Taiba. Also, because SportsLine is making me pay money to see his actual analysis I’m going to go my own way, take a shot in the dark and pick Benevengo. Those three firsts in four starts show some serious ambition, and I like that in a race horse.”
In Hindsight: Who’s Jody Demling? Key advice for any aspiring horse racing enthusiasts out there — never pay for anyone’s betting advice. If you’re going to invest in anything related to horse racing, make sure you have a chance of making something back. Taiba could have easily won this race with slightly better racing luck, defying Mr. Demling’s premonitions, and Mia’s prediction that Benevengo would outrun his odds ended up being closer to the truth. She should start charging.
Gabby Etzel
In all honesty, I can’t really keep up with Gabby’s travels this summer. Throw a dart and she’s either there or has been there recently. You would think that her near-constant story posts on Instagram would help, but they’re usually photos of nondescript gyms and plates of cake.
Gabby’s Pick: 3- One Time Willard
“I’m an athlete who traveled across the country from New Jersey to compete this weekend. That’s one thing One Time Willard and I have in common. There was no one in my bracket, the lowest weight division (rooster weight), for which I am still underweight. But I came all the way out to the Orlando Open to compete, so compete I did. I registered for the absolute division, which is the open weight class. Only people who reach the podium in their respective weight divisions, from Rooster Weight to Ultra Heavy Weight, can compete in the absolute. As I mentioned, I was the only rooster weight in this 8-person division, and most certainly the underdog. That’s another thing we have in common. You know what One Time Williard and I don’t have in common? I got mauled by a girl with over half my body weight on me, and One Time Williard is going to win.”
In Hindsight: Her comedic timing may be off the chain, but Gabby’s pick on Saturday failed to live up to her spectacular commentary. As for her defeat in her jiu-jitsu competition, I hope she can take solace in the fact that she could kick my ass without difficulty and has likely had justification to do so for some time now.
Jacob Blank
Jacob moved into his new apartment several weeks ago, but the housewarming party isn’t until August. According to adult social conventions, that means that he’s not good at moving in, and that the place is probably still a mess. Social conventions also dictate that I shouldn’t comment on that, so I hope you can keep it between you and me.
Jacob’s Pick: 1- Cyberknife
“Any horse named Cyberknife clearly has the skill and cunning that a winner needs. A cutting edge horse, that’s for sure.”
In Hindsight: “Cunning” and “cutting edge” are clunky terms to read back-to-back, but I can’t give the guy edits after he nailed the Haskell like that. Cyberknife delivered to give Jacob his first victory as a guest on Paddy’s Picks, though insightfulness like his will undoubtedly lead to even more success down the line.
Clara Gerlach
If anything, Clara is dependable. If you’re happy, she’ll be happy. If you’re sad, she’ll talk you through it. If you don’t know which way to go, she’ll tell you which way to go.
Clara’s Pick: 7- Jack Christopher
“I think Jack Christopher is the way to go, with a fancy real person name like that, he’ll probably win and then make a trade in the NYSE right after, no sweat.”
In Hindsight: Jack Christopher is definitely a pretentious name, one that I didn’t think Clara would appreciate. That being said, it’s doubtful that the economics major would ever take much interest in a horse named Cyberknife, so she likely did as well as she possibly could under the circumstances.
Alyssa Macaluso
Good, this article needed more talent. While I was busy ignoring Corbin’s personal life at a party a few weeks ago, Alyssa told me that she was seeking another full-time job during her fall semester, and this may be difficult to believe, but her biggest problem was a time conflict between one of her classes and her work. Obviously, her first suggestion was to make up the hours on other weekdays, because the solution to not having enough time in the day is to materialize it out of thin air. Fortunately for me, passing through the eye of the hurricane gave her just enough quiet to make a Haskell pick.
Alyssa’s Pick: 6- White Abarrio
“Ok so I know Taiba and Jack Christopher are the favorites, but 12th in the Kentucky Derby isn’t a sure-shot to win anything else, so I’m not necessarily aligned with that favorite. And I can’t place any faith in a horse with two male first names — that’s a red flag across disciplines. I’ll place my (metaphorical) money on White Abarrio, since I love that you can pick him so easily out of the crowd. He’s also young and is working on getting experience racing, so this may be the race where he finds his footing.
But, I also want to keep longshot Benevengo in the running, since I adore his name. “Benevento” in Italian means “welcome,” but since the “t” has been changed to a “g,” it’s more reminiscent of the Spanish verb “vengo” (“I come”), and when you put it together, it’s both a kind greeting and a declaration of spirit and determination. Benevengo is welcoming the world, and telling them he’s coming.”
In Hindsight: A surprising double analysis from Ms. Macaluso! In what appears to be an effort to name every horse but the winner, Alyssa’s commentary was as insightful, culturally significant and informative as ever. Who needs Cyberknife when you’re already on the cutting edge?
Asa Brandyberry
Remember that party I was talking about earlier, the one where I briefly spoke to Alyssa and actively avoided learning anything new about Corbin? During that party, I didn’t get to speak to Asa much despite sitting next to him for the whole night, but I did manage to learn that he’s taking a summer class that has taken up far more of his time than he would’ve liked. Looking back now, it explains so much, as you’re all about to see.
Asa’s Pick: 1- Cyberknife
“Hmm. I like the range of names we got here. I would say King of Hollywood, cause he’s a king, so obviously, right? BUT I recently watched Macbeth and the king DIES by a KNIFE! So by deduction, knife beats kings, so therefore, I place my trust in Cyberknife. Plus the name just sounds badass. Sorry for the late response, it do be wild times here in Brooklyn.”
In Hindsight: Asa’s pick came one day after the Haskell, and in most circles, cheating accusations would be inevitable. I have three reasons to trust him and accept his analysis as genuine. First, it’s strictly nonsensical and isn’t backed by any solid fact or reasoning. Second, it do be wild times in Brooklyn. Third, I don’t believe Asa has the understanding of horse racing or desire to learn necessary to look up the result of the race, name the winning horse in his commentary and submit it to me as if he didn’t know. His belated victory is all his own and I won’t stand in the way of yet another triumph.
Allie Stofer
Allie’s in London and George McKnight is in London, and I find it so sad that they’re never going to see each other this summer. It’s probably for the best, but readers have to admit that it would be rather funny to see the two of them pose for a photo crossing Abbey Road. They would both hate it, but sometimes we have to make sacrifices for our friends.
Allie’s Pick: 3- One Time Willard
“One Time Willard — isn’t Willard the name of that guy from Footloose? I don’t remember anything other than he couldn’t dance so maybe horse racing is his calling. Also, when I looked up the stats for all of one second, he had the highest number and as Corbin Gregg, FCLC ‘22, taught me, always vote for who everyone else thinks will win.”
In Hindsight: One Time Willard was the worst horse in the race, and while I strongly disagree with Corbin’s advice anyway, it’s worth noting that Allie did the exact opposite of what he told her to do. No one in the world thought One Time Willard was going to win and the odds reflected that. Something tells me she read them backwards.
Roxanne Cubero
Roxanne’s walking again! After she fell while dancing and… messed up her foot in some way several months ago, she’s finally walking without a boot. She now has two feet with which to kick ass again, and we here at Paddy’s Picks believe that the world should be on notice.
Roxanne’s Pick: 7- Jack Christopher
“I’ve always been fascinated with people (and by extension, horses) with two first names. I tried to do a little bit of reading but I don’t think I’ve done enough of these to understand a lot of the words in the articles I found on Jack Christopher, but I did see the word “undefeated” in one of the headlines, I feel slightly more confident in my pick this time around. (disclaimer: I have never felt fully confident in my previous picks. That’s not on the horses, that’s more on my thought processes behind those picks.)”
In Hindsight: Roxanne’s struggles with J names persist. Jack Christopher seemed like a real catch going into this race, but by the end of it all, he was probably more frustrating and disappointing than he was worth. We were all fooled, but there are plenty of horses left on the track.
Savannah… Stewart
Savannah, whose last name was definitely something I knew before writing this article, is New Jersey personified in many ways. Her analysis of the Haskell was necessary, as she enters her Paddy’s Picks debut with knowledge of what a trifecta is.
Savannah’s Pick: 8- Benevengo
“Benevengo is my pick. Shitty odds but that jockey. When I was at Monmouth last week Angel Rodriguez won every race I saw. Michelle Yu had Cyberknife and I saw that Taiba was a favorite somewhere but I don’t think those guys are gonna pull through past a second or third, and even if either of them won, that’d just be boring. And I’m thinking One Time Willard might place but that’s all I got for you.”
In Hindsight: She knew her New Jersey jockeys and saw potential in Cyberknife and Taiba, which was all more than enough for her to prove herself in her first guest spot. Benevengo lost to those two challengers at long odds, but he was far from disgraced in fifth. She might force me to take NJ Transit a little too often, but it’s undeniable that the lady knows her racing.
Christian Madlansacay
At his 21st birthday party in Atlantic City last week, Christian had… fun. Yeah, he had a lot of fun with his friends and family. We walked on the boardwalk and then some other stuff happened and then I had a job interview at 6:15 and then more stuff happened and then we went to brunch in the Hard Rock Casino. Wait, what time is it?
Christian’s Pick: 5- King of Hollywood
“King of Hollywood because it gives the vibe of being a celebrity and striving for fame.”
In Hindsight: Christian has a habit of picking some of the sorriest animals in every race he plays. Not one of the horses he’s picked in the Kentucky Derby, Preakness, Belmont or Haskell have gone off at odds under 10-1 and they’ve all run like long shots. That being said, I have to admit that they’ve all had really nice names.
Owen Roche
Let’s get this over with.
Owen’s Pick: 7- Jack Christopher
There Once Was a Horse From Kentucky
An opine in verse by Owen Roche
“There once was a horse from Kentucky
Who started slow but remained plucky;
To Cyberknife’s credit,
His record’s well-vetted,
But in my opinion? He’s sucky.
Another young horse from Kentucky
Runs well on tracks dusty and mucky;
His trainer and jockey
Make Taiba too cocky,
And that situation’s just yucky.
Now, there’s one more horse from Kentucky
Whose name is a little bit fucky;
For, dubbed as a man,
Jack Christopher can
Win the Haskell, if we all get lucky.
Three horses, all bred in Kentucky
Will compete in a race oh-so-ducky;
To find one more rhyme
I haven’t the time;
Kentucky, Kentucky; Kentucky.”
In Hindsight: Owen shat on a mat. Jack Christopher finished thirdopher.